Dialectics for the Holidays!

The period from late November through to the new year is marked by multiple secular and religious holidays. For many people these holidays can mean trying to balance multiple competing priorities, and ostensibly competing emotions. For those looking for some guidance on how to navigate this we can turn to the world of DBT, or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.

In DBT, the term dialectical refers a synthesis or integration of opposites. Observing and reconciling these dialectics leads to relief of distress and overall improve wellbeing by helping people get unstuck from extreme positions, e.g. “either I host the perfect holiday dinner or I am a failure.”

The image below highlights a number of dialectics that people often get trapped in, especially during the holidays. Have a look, see which might hit home with you, and take a moment to consider how you can honor both sides of the dialectic today and going forward.

Mindfulness Meditation: Gratitude at Thanksgiving

As we have highlighted throughout the month of November, gratitude is an important part of psychological wellbeing, and has several health benefits. As we prepare for Thanksgiving we are invited to pay extra close attention to gratitude, to all we are thankful for. This can be a busy time of excitement for some, a time of anxiety for others, and there are those of us who will experience sadness through this and other upcoming holidays. Regardless of what emotions you are experiencing, making space for an eased sense of gratitude can be helpful.

As such, today we will spend a few minutes acknowledging our appreciation, followed by three minutes of restorative silence. Let’s begin…

Gratitude and the Heart

According to Monique Tello, MD, MPH, offering gratitude and overall adapting a positive stance even toward our challenges can protect against heart disease.

Dr. Tello cites researchers in the UK who examined the psychological characteristics of over 8,000 people, and found that those with the above described positive orientation enjoyed a 30% lower risk of developing heart disease.

In addition, extant research suggests that having a positive outlook and engaging in activities such as regular gratitude practices may even be benefit people who already have cardiovascular disease, which is significant, because they are at very high risk of having heart attacks and strokes.

According to Dr. Tello, “Researchers have also studied gratitude in patients with heart failure. Those who kept a daily gratitude journal, where they listed three or four things for which they were thankful every day for two months, had lower levels of inflammatory hormones and a lower heart rate during a stressful exercise. This suggests that the simple daily habit of expressing gratitude can have big long-term health effects.”

Ready to start your journey of gratitude? Consider starting a gratitude journal or, if you want to get started right this minute, visit Cooper’s new virtual gratitude wall.

10 Easy Gratitude Exercises

They are wise who do not grieve for the things which they have not, but rejoice for those which they have. – Epictetus

The following is a list of 10 simple exercises to cultivate gratitude, adapted from this post from Leo Babauta at zenhabits.net. Any one of them can be chosen and implemented with ease, so try one today!

1. Create a Gratitude Ritual. Anything you can easily do every morning when you wake or every night before you sleep. It can be as simple as closing your eyes and taking a couple of minutes to think of the people and things you are grateful for – loved ones, co-workers, the person who served you coffee this morning, anyone!

2. Send a thank-you note. You don’t need to send someone a formal thank-you card (although that’s a nice touch), but just a little note (or email) saying thank you for a specific thing the person has done for you can go a long way.

3. Give a free hug (when safe). OK, do this only do this when appropriate (no hugging strangers) and safe from a COVID standpoint … but if you have a loved one in your life, give them a hug! Often we can go too long without showing our affection and gratitude, even to those who are closest to us. Don’t neglect this important part of your relationship.

4. Give thanks for today! You don’t even have to thank a person … you can thank life itself! Wake up, and greet the day with gratitude. Be thankful you’re alive! Per the Dalai Lama: “Everyday, think as you wake up, ‘Today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings, I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others, I am going to benefit others as much as I can.’ ”

5. Do someone a free favor. Without expecting anything in return, do something nice for someone. Just something small. Get them a drink or a coffee, do a chore for them, offer to do an errand, anything they’d appreciate, really. Think of what the person likes, wants or needs, and try to do something (even something small) to help them. Actions speak louder than words, and doing something nice will show you’re grateful more than just saying it.

6. Give a little gift. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive, but a little gift can be a tremendous gesture. Here are 30 ideas.

7. Give someone a list of all they’ve done that you’re grateful for. Take 5 minutes and make a list of 10 or 50 things you love about someone, or things they’ve done for you that you appreciate.

8. Acknowledge them publicly. Who doesn’t love public praise? Find a way to acknowledge the contributions of someone, to show your gratitude, in a public way. Here at Cooper you can use the Cooper Rewards Website or our new virtual gratitude wall.

9. Surprise them with kindness. Actually, this is mostly the same as Item #5, but with a twist: surprise the person. That little extra step of surprising them can make a big difference. When your partner or other loves one comes home from work, have a lovely meal prepared. When your parent walks out her front door in the morning, have the car nice and clean. When your child opens their lunch pail, have a little note and a treat waiting for them. You get the idea.

10. Say thanks even for negative things in your life. This is the hard part, in truth. When things go wrong, when we’re not happy, when people are mean to us, when we are worn down by the million slings and arrows of everyday life … we don’t want to say thank you. But in truth, this is the time when it matters most. If you’ve mastered the first 9 items on this list, you’re ready to master this one.

Gratitude, the Brain, and Behavior

Anecdotally we all know we should try to be as grateful as possible. Many of us here in the US are reminded of this each year as Thanksgiving approaches and we are prompted by friends and family to share what we are giving thanks for. But what are the practical benefits for gratitude? Researchers at The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley set out to answer that very question and came away with four key findings:

  1. Gratitude unshackles us from toxic emotions – In their study, researchers found that participants who both used a higher percentage of positive emotion words and “we” words, and a lower proportion of negative emotion words in their communications were significantly more likely to report better mental health. In fact, it was the lack of negative emotion words—not the abundance of positive words—that explained the mental health gap between a gratitude writing group and other writing group members. So be sure to pay attention to the words you are using!


  2. Gratitude helps even if you don’t share it – The authors told participants who were assigned to write gratitude letters that they weren’t required to send their letters to their intended recipient, and found that those who didn’t send their letters enjoyed the benefits of experiencing gratitude nonetheless. So go ahead and express gratitude wherever you can, regardless of whether or not anyone hears you!


  3. Gratitude’s benefits take time – The authors found that the mental health benefits of gratitude writing in their study did not emerge immediately, but gradually accrued over time. The greatest benefits were most evident 4 and 12 weeks after the exercise, so manage your expectations and, as importantly, give yourself some slack on the more difficult days!


  4. Gratitude has lasting effects on the brain – The authors also used an fMRI scanner to measure brain activity while people from each group did a “pay it forward” task. In that task, the individuals were regularly given a small amount of money by a nice person, called the “benefactor.” This benefactor only asked that they pass the money on to someone if they felt grateful. The participants then decided how much of the money, if any, to pass on to a worthy cause. What they found was when people felt more grateful, their brain activity was distinct from brain activity related to guilt and the desire to help a cause. More specifically, they found that when people who are generally more grateful gave more money to a cause, they showed greater neural sensitivity in the medial prefrontal cortex, a brain area associated with learning and decision making. This suggests that people who are more grateful are also more attentive to how they express gratitude.

To read more about their study, visit the Greater Good Science Center homepage.

Laughter Is Still Good Medicine, Even in a Pandemic

Researchers at Penn State University have scientifically proven that laughter may still be the best medicine for some things, even throughout a pandemic. The authors write “As COVID-19 quickly spread across the globe, social media memes about life in a pandemic also spread across the Internet.”

The authors conducted an online experiment involving over 700 people to assess how viewing memes during this pandemic era may influence their stress and coping.

The authors go on to say “In terms of psychological responses, we found that meme viewing was associated with stronger cuteness responses, higher levels of reported humor, more positive emotions, and lower levels of information processing.”

The findings also suggest that viewing memes, as compared with nonmeme content, indirectly increased COVID-19 coping efficacy. There was specific benefit for those who consumed memes featuring animals as opposed to humans.

Stand Up for Mental Health

Today’s wellness post comes to us from NPR News, where columnist Cha Pornea notes “Of all the ways in which the pandemic has affected Americans’ well-being, perhaps the one we’ve noticed least is how much we’re sitting. And it’s not just bad for our waistlines — it’s hurting our mental health.”

“The sneaky effects of the pandemic that we might not even notice [is] that we’ve changed our sitting patterns,” says Jacob Meyer, director of the Wellbeing and Exercise lab at Iowa State University.

Though most people saw their mental health gradually improve as they adapted to a new reality, people who stayed mostly sedentary didn’t see get the same improvement, according to a follow-up study by Meyer. “People who continued to have really high levels of sitting, their depression didn’t improve” as much, says Meyer.

Does this hit home with you? If so, fear not! The trend is easily reversed and the benefits are usually noticed quickly. Any bit of movement helps, so start by setting small, achievable goals such as 5 minutes of walking per hour. Having a hard time staying focused on the walk? Get board easily? Try a mindful walking exercise.

You can read the full story and get more tips on how to get active over at NPR.org.

Languishing

If you’ve been feeling off—but can’t exactly call it depression—you could very well be languishing. Similar to burnout, more and more people are experiencing this phenomenon on a global scale. If you feel that this might be something you or someone you care about my experiencing, you can read the article “Languishing Is A Rising Mental Health Issue: 7 Signs You’re Experiencing It” by psychologist Kristina Hallett, Ph.D., ABPP. The findings of this article are summarized below, you can click on the image for a full size, printable handout.

Find Your Why and Exercise

Psychologist that study health behavior change are increasingly verifying what many of us have known for a while, harsh approaches to health behavior change do not work. Quitting cigarettes cold turkey, completely eliminating treats from your diet, forcing yourself to run miles a day because someone else said it was good for you – all of these fail to produce sustained change.

Why tends to work better is finding the value in the change, figuring out why it would be personally meaningful, and keeping that goal in mind.

The folks at Healthline.com note that “fitting in exercise is hard for everyone, hearing what keeps other people going can help you find your “why” too.” It’s true, exploring all the values to a health behavior change like exercise, not just the ways measured on a scale, help people sustain change for the long haul.

They go on to say that fitness is about so much more than losing a few pounds, getting shredded, or trying to emulate a “perfectly” toned body. Fitness is about what you can gain. It’s about measuring success by how you feel, not by the scale. It’s about improving physical, mental, and emotional health. It’s about moving in a way that brings you joy so you’ll keep going for years. And it’s about meeting you where you’re at on your fitness journey.

To help kick-start your journey toward finding the “why,” they interviewed 12 trainers, yoga instructors, parents, and others about WHY they exercise, how they fit it in, what inspires them to keep going, and a favorite motivational phrase they share with others.

Read the reasons others have to keep up their health routines at https://www.healthline.com/health/fitness/why-i-exercise, then pause today to consider what goals you have and the direct and indirect reasons they are important to you.

A Matter of Time

New research from the University of Pennsylvania and University of California, Los Angeles describes the need for us to strike a balance with our free time. When we have too much or too little, we start to feel distress and, in some cases, overwhelmed. The authors offer some insight and advice to manage this.

Specifically, they acknowledge that many people living in modern society feel like they do not have enough time and are constantly searching for more. They asks the questions of to what degree having limited discretionary time actually detrimental, and if there can there be downsides of having too much discretionary time?

In their large-scale data sets spanning 35,375 Americans and two experiments, they explored the relationship between the amount of discretionary time individuals have and their subjective well-being.

Findings suggest that, whereas having too little time is indeed linked to lower subjective well-being caused by stress, having more time does not continually translate to greater subjective well-being. Having an abundance of discretionary time is sometimes even linked to lower subjective well-being because of a lacking sense of productivity. In such cases, the negative effect of having too much discretionary time can be attenuated when people spend this time on productive activities.

While there is no single “best” way to manage one’s time, Forbes.com provides a good overview of many common strategies people can use to manage their time best. Just be sure that among that activities you plan going forward is self-care!