There are a surprising number of things we postpone until the appropriate feeling arrives.
I’ll exercise when I have more energy.
I’ll call them when I feel more social.
I’ll start the project when I feel motivated.
I’ll speak up when I feel confident.
I’ll get back to doing the things I enjoy when I’m less stressed.
This sounds perfectly reasonable.
Unfortunately, our feelings did not sign a contract agreeing to arrive on schedule. Sometimes waiting to feel better before doing something can leave us waiting for quite a while.
Psychologists have studied this problem extensively, particularly in depression. One well-established treatment, called behavioral activation, helps people gradually reconnect with activities that provide meaning, enjoyment, accomplishment, or connection rather than waiting for motivation to appear first, and there is good evidence that it works.
The idea is not complicated: when we feel bad, we naturally tend to withdraw. But withdrawal can mean fewer conversations, fewer walks, fewer hobbies, fewer accomplishments, fewer opportunities for enjoyment and connection.
Our world gets smaller, and then there is even less in it that might help us feel better. The way out does not have to begin with a dramatic burst of motivation. Sometimes it begins with one small action. There is another important piece, though.
The goal is not always to make the feeling go away.
You might take the walk and still feel sad. Make the phone call and still feel anxious. Start the project and still feel unmotivated. Show up and still feel awkward. That does not mean the action failed.
Psychological flexibility means allowing difficult thoughts or feelings to be present without automatically giving them control over what we do next.
Instead of asking: “Do I feel ready?” try asking: “What would I choose to do if I didn’t have to feel ready first?” Maybe the answer is something tiny. Send the text. Walk for five minutes. Open the document. Sit outside. Make the appointment. Play with the dog. Listen to the song.
Do one small thing that puts you back in contact with something you care about. Research on values-based interventions suggests that even intentionally choosing and carrying out one concrete action connected to something important to us can improve aspects of well-being.
And sometimes, after we move, something shifts. Our energy changes. The task becomes easier. Motivation catches up. Sometimes it doesn’t. Either way, we did not put our entire life on hold while we waited.
The takeaway: You do not always have to feel better before you start living better. Feelings matter. Listen to them. Just remember that they do not always have to be permission slips.
Today’s challenge: Think of one thing you have been waiting to feel more motivated, confident, energetic, or ready to do. Make it smaller. Then ask: “Could I take one step toward it exactly as I feel right now?” If the answer is yes, take the step, motivation is welcome to catch up later.