The following is a summary of the work of Arthur C. Brooks, a contributing writer at The Atlantic and the host of the How to Build a Happy Life podcast. The full article is available at theatlantic.com.
In Dante’s Inferno, the poet Virgil leads the narrator through Hell’s increasingly horrific circles, ending in the ninth, where Satan is frozen in ice and weeping—not a menacing figure, but one consumed by sorrow. This image evokes depression: a state not of evil but of deep, paralyzing misery.
Depression affects many, with nearly 30% of Americans having been diagnosed at some point. Along with sadness and fatigue, a key symptom is relentless self-focus. One sufferer described it as living with a boring, droning voice in her head—an experience psychologists call maladaptive self-focus.
Even those who aren’t depressed often think about themselves too much, which undermines happiness. We spend much of our conversations—and even our private thoughts—focused on ourselves, driven by evolutionary survival needs. While some self-focus can help us succeed, too much can fuel anxiety, unhappiness, and relationship problems. For example, narcissists may thrive in short-term situations but often struggle with deeper, lasting connections.
Research shows long-term well-being comes from secure relationships, which require focusing less on oneself and more on others. Like food or exercise, self-focus must be kept in balance. You can’t eliminate it entirely, but cutting back can boost happiness. The trick isn’t willpower—“don’t think about yourself” is still self-referential—but instead finding meaningful distractions that shift focus outward. Some helpful steps:
1. Bring happiness to others.
A number of researchers over the years have undertaken experiments in which participants are assigned activities and behaviors that they enjoy, as opposed to actions that elevate others (such as making a point of expressing gratitude). You might think that the pleasure principle would win out, but the scholars have consistently found that doing something for another person confers a significant happiness advantage over having a good time for yourself. Two effects are surely at work here: First, when you are looking for ways to help another, you are distracted from your own preoccupations and problems; second, by bringing happiness to someone else, you can “catch” that happiness through what behavioral scientists call emotional contagion.
2. Serve the world.
An act of kindness toward another person works well—but, as four psychologists showed in 2016, so does an act of kindness to the world in general. The researchers compared acts of generosity directed at specific individuals with general good deeds toward the broader world. This didn’t entail Nobel Peace Prize–winning actions, but simply such small-scale generous, considerate behavior as picking up litter or donating to a charity. The researchers found that these good deeds were similar in their beneficial effect on well-being to those aimed at a particular individual.
3. Be more mindful.
One of the most common characteristics of self-referential thinking is that it is both retrospective and prospective, about what I’ve done and what I plan to do. So it makes sense that greater discipline about paying attention to the present might help to displace the self-focused thinking that ruminates on the past and the future. One way to improve that present-focused discipline is through mindfulness training, and this comes in at least two basic varieties: focused attention (such as single-point meditation) and open monitoring (such as training to observe the moment without reaction or judgment). Practicing these techniques has been shown by researchers to lower self-referential thinking and—not coincidentally—reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety. These days, any number of mindfulness methods and apps are widely available to help you learn these skills.