Pick one item from one section today and stick with it until you develop a new self-care habit. You might be surprised by how quickly things change!
People Need People
Listen to the full story below, or read it at NPR.org.
Sending a text to a friend can bring a smile to your face. Now, research suggests it could also help bring long-term health benefits.
Psychiatrist Robert Waldinger and Psychologist Marc Schulz have spent decades studying what helps people thrive. Their research followed people through the decades, consulting with their parents and now their children, who are mostly of the baby boomer generation. They identified different kinds of happiness.
“We do like that sugar rush high, that ‘I’m having fun right now at this party’ kind of high. And then there’s the happiness that comes from feeling like, ‘I’m having a good life, a decent life, a meaningful life,” Waldinger explained. “We all want some of both, but some of us really prioritize one kind over the other kind.”
Their conclusion? Long term health and wellbeing comes down to one thing: investing in relationships with other people.
Waldinger emphasizes the importance of putting effort into friendships, saying that many valuable relationships can wither away from neglect. And even if you find yourself realizing that you may not have the connections you seek, today’s as good a day as any to start forming those bonds.
So if you’ve been prioritizing your well-being lately, and perhaps meaning to reach out to a friend, family member or loved one, it’s never too late to send a quick message and catch up.
A Happiness Challenge
For over 80 years, researchers at Harvard have studied what makes for a good life. They found one surefire, scientifically proven predictor of happiness: developing warmer relationships. A team of reporters on The Times’s health and wellness desk, Well, developed a self-paced challenge to help you do just that. Ready to start the new year right? Start below!
How Strong Are Your Relationships?
Relationships with friends, family, coworkers and even casual acquaintances play a crucial role in your well-being. Find out how robust your social ties are.
Day 1: Take Stock of Your Relationships
Today, you will identify the areas of your life in which you would like to be more connected.
Day 2: The Secret Power of the 8-Minute Phone Call
Even a brief chat has measurable effects on our well-being.
Day 3: Small Talk Has Big Benefits
Regular exchanges with your “weak ties” will bring you more happiness.
Day 4: Why You Should Write a ‘Living Eulogy’
Happy people express their gratitude for others.
Day 5: The Importance of Work Friends
People who are close to their colleagues are happier and more productive.
Your Best Intentions
Psychologist Angelica Attard has the following thoughts on resolutions headed into the new year: “The end of December represents a transition point. It is a time when people share their reflections on how the last year has gone, their joys and sorrows, and set resolutions in the hope that they will fare better in the new year. We hold on to a vision of a better year, a better us, a better future. New year, new start, new resolutions. The concept and implementation of resolutions can be hard for many to grapple with. If New Year’s resolutions do not work for you, I invite you to consider the idea of setting intentions and starting now.”
She suggests that, rather than resolutions, we consider setting intentions. Dr. Attard shares “Intentions are about who we want to be in the present moment and how we want to show up in our lives. Intentions are based on what our values are, i.e., what is important to us in different areas of our life, such as our physical health, mental health, career, hobbies, relationships with family, friends, partners, education. Intentions are different from goals because goals are about what we do. However, they are related because intentions give us a direction and will that empower us to set and achieve goals; to act and take decisions that honor the person we want to be based on what matters to us. This can enable us to live a meaningful life and have fulfilling relationships with others and ourselves in the present. Here are a few other points to consider regarding the traps that come with resolutions and how intentions can step in to help.”
You can read her full article at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/human-beings-being-human/202011/set-new-years-resolutions-or-live-intention-now. Below are some steps she outlines to begin the process of setting our intentions.
- Set your intention at the start of the day (whilst you are still in bed and before the rush of the day begins).
- Take a moment, slow down, and take a few deep breaths.
- Check in with yourself. (How are you feeling? What thoughts are going through your mind?)
- Check what you have planned for your day ahead.
- Based on your state of mind and the plans for the day, think about what matters to you in how you face the day, what you need, what is going to help you. (Remember to think about this based on your values and what kind of person you want to be as you approach this day.)
- Set your intention for the day using the language that works for you. Today I commit myself to… My intention is to approach the day with…
- Write down your intention on paper or your phone or share it with another person. (This can make it feel more real.)
- Set your mind, focus, and approach throughout the day towards this intention. (It is OK if you forget about your intention during the day. It is not really forgotten because your intentions are linked to your values and your values are always part of you.)
- Find a moment to come back to your intention to reflect on how you lived by this. (The aim is not to judge yourself as good or bad or as having succeeded or failed. Rather, it is to acknowledge where you are at and learn about what you may want to carry forward to the next moment or to tomorrow.)
4 Mindful Tips to De-Stress This Holiday Season
Not feeling particularly cheery this time of year? You’re not alone. Many find that the holidays bring as much stress as they do joy. But there are ways to ease through the season. To help make the most of your festivities, Neda Gould, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and director of the Johns Hopkins Mindfulness Program at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, shares some mindful tips. Those tips are below, and you can read the full article at https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/4-mindful-tips-to-destress-this-holiday-season
- Accept Imperfection – Can good be good enough? “As we gear up for the holidays, we often set the bar impossibly high for ourselves and then feel upset when our celebrations don’t live up to expectations,” says Gould. Before you start preparing, acknowledge that things may not go exactly as planned. “It’s OK if it’s not perfect. Imperfection is healthy and normal. For some of us, it might just take a little practice,” reminds Gould.
- Don’t Lose Sight of What Really Counts – With long lines and nasty traffic, the holidays can get hectic. When overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle, ask yourself: Where does this fit in the grand scheme of things? If you’re frustrated by the long grocery line you’re standing in, remember that it is just a long grocery line — nothing more. Don’t let it spoil your afternoon. Can I use this moment of frustration as an opportunity to reflect? While the cashier rings up the customers ahead of you, take inventory of the good things that have happened today or the things you are grateful for. Even if this moment seems stressful, can I find a way to make it pleasant? Connect with someone else in line with a compliment or kind gesture, or notice what’s around you with fresh eyes and an open mind.
- Respond with Kindness You can’t change how others act during the stresses of the holiday season, but you can change how you respond to situations: “Whenever I encounter a difficult person, I tell myself, ‘this person is suffering, and that’s why they’re acting this way.’ It softens my frustration, helps me be more compassionate and reminds me that it’s not personal,” says Gould. Keep in mind that the holidays are especially difficult for those who are alone. See if you can extend an act of kindness to those you know are without family and friends during this time of year. If things do get tense with someone, take a few deep breaths. “Those few breaths can shift things and give you new perspective,” says Gould.
- Rethink Your Resolutions “Typical New Year’s resolutions set you up for failure,” warns Gould. If you want to better yourself in the New Year, follow these tips for success: Start small. Break your goal into tinier steps over the course of the year. If weight loss is your goal, it doesn’t have to be drastic. Try to eat more veggies during your first month and gradually cut back on sweets throughout the next, suggests Gould. Be kind to yourself. If you didn’t achieve last year’s resolution or stray from the path this time around, let it go. “We often contrive these stories (‘I’m never going to quit smoking!’) that only add to our distress,” says Gould. “With practice, we can notice this self-critic, let go of that negativity and pick our goals back up without the guilt or shame.”
Reading with Mr. Herman
Part of any good wellness initiative is finding ways to remind each other that there is still goodness in the world, even amongst all the difficult things. While coming into contact with these reminders does not fix the underlying bigger problems, the hope is that it gives us a little extra wherewithal to continue to work toward their resolution. To that end, today we share the story of Mr. Herman and his kids.
New Jersey school bus driver Herman Cruse noticed that a kindergartner seemed a little sad and out of sorts during one morning ride to Middle Township Elementary #1. “Bus drivers are the eyes and ears of students when they’re away from home,” said Cruse, 55, who drives students of all ages for Middle Township Public Schools in Cape May Court House, N.J. “We have an uncanny gift to discern what kids are feeling,” he said.
When Cruse asked the kindergartner what was wrong, he said the boy explained that he wasn’t able to complete his reading assignment because his parents were busy with his four siblings at home. It was hard to find one-on-one time to practice reading with his mom or dad, he told Cruse. Cruse said an idea popped into his mind. “I told him, ‘Listen, I have some free time, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to come to the school and read with you,’” he said.
Cruse received permission from the 6-year-old’s teacher, Alex Bakley, to show up at her kindergarten classroom the following week. When he walked in, he said the boy shouted, “Hey, that’s my bus driver!” Herman Cruse has driven a school bus for more than 30 years. He has spent the last nine years driving for Middle Township Public Schools. (Alex Bakley) “We went into a quiet corner and began reading together,” Cruse said. “It was a book called ‘I Like Lunch,’ about a boy who likes sandwiches, a boy who likes apples, a boy who likes cookies and a boy who likes milk. Put it all together and you have lunch.” “So he read to me, I read to him and we read together, and from there, it took on a life of its own,”
Cruse continued. “A second student wanted to read to me, then a third. All these kids were going to the teacher asking, ‘Can I read with Mr. Herman?’” A stranger called. He had photos of her family from the Holocaust era. Almost two years later, Cruse now volunteers to help Bakley’s 18 kindergarten students and another kindergarten class with reading two days a week, and on a third day, he tutors the school’s first- and second-graders. After dropping the kids off at school, of course
Read Mr. Herman’s full story and see pictures of him in action at https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2022/12/07/bus-driver-reading-herman-cruse/
There is a new term making it’s way around the social science circles: freudenfreude. Freudenfreude is a term inspired by the German word for “joy” and it describes the bliss we feel when someone else succeeds, even if it doesn’t directly involve us. In a recent New York Times article professor Catherine Chambliss says freudenfreude is like social glue in that it makes relationships more intimate and enjoyable.
The same article cites Erika Weisz, an empathy researcher and postdoctoral fellow in psychology at Harvard University, who shared that this feeling closely resembles positive empathy — the ability to experience someone else’s positive emotions. A small 2021 study examined positive empathy’s role in daily life and found that it propelled kind acts, like helping others. Sharing in someone else’s joy can also foster resilience, improve life satisfaction and help people cooperate during a conflict.
So, that challenge for you today, where can you experience a little Freudenfreude? Need help? Check out Dr. Chambliss’ Freudenfreude Enhancement Training!
Schwartz Center Rounds (12/7)
Equity in Healthcare for Marginalized Populations
Wednesday, December 7, 2022
12 to 1 p.m.
Matthew Salzman, MD
Department of Emergency Medicine, Division of Toxicology and Addiction Medicine; Inpatient Medical Director, Addiction Medicine and the Center for Healing; Assistant Professor of Medicine, Cooper Medical School of Rowan University
Jillian Lucas Baker, DrPH, EdM
Executive Director, Center for Parent and Teen Communication at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia
Christopher Huff, MSW, LCSW, LCADC
Behavioral Health Consultant
Jenny Moyer, MD, MPH
Cooper University Health Care, Center for Healing
All people have a fundamental right to high-quality, compassionate health care. Yet, significant health disparities have been documented for decades and reflect longstanding structural and systemic inequities rooted in racism and discrimination. Achieving health equity requires ensuring universal health care and access for all people, including those most disadvantaged by structural barriers, racism, and discrimination. Eliminating health disparities is key to improving our nation’s overall health, reducing health care costs, and moving towards a free and inclusive society for all. In this upcoming Schwartz Center Rounds, we will discuss health equity and the role we as health care providers play in ensuring that all people receive the best medical care we can provide. Please join us for our next Schwartz Center Rounds as we examine this important topic.
Consider adding a shout-outs section to your next team huddle or meeting. Build up team members’ professional esteem by acknowledging good work. Encourage the rest of the team to give their colleagues shout-outs. This can build a stronger team morale and encourage collaboration amongst the group.
Example of shout-outs to share with your team:
– Great job on acting quickly and resolving XYZ issue!
– I’ve noticed you put in extra work for this, I appreciate it.
More Than a Feeling
Saleem Reshamwala hosts “More Than a Feeling”, a podcast on emotions from the meditation and mindfulness platform Ten Percent Happier. Recently she published a piece on NPR sharing five practices for managing that nagging feeling of impending doom. She encourages us to recognize that the list of things we dread is almost endless, from the Sunday scaries and climate change to deadlines, the holidays, simple errands, and more. So what do we do about this? You can read the full article at https://www.npr.org/2022/11/22/1138759124/transform-the-way-you-deal-with-dread but a quick summary is offered below:
Rewrite your dread – We often struggle to talk about dread because it can feel so heavy. Poet and clinical psychologist Hala Alyan has a suggestion: Write down the things you’re concerned about. She shares a journal prompt to help you emotionally distance from your dread.
Draw your dread – What happens when we express our dread without words? Art therapist Naomi Cohen-Thompson and meditation teacher and writer Jeff Warren explain why reframing our attitudes toward dread nonverbally can help us accept what scares us.
Find the joy in dreading – Fear of death may be the ultimate type of dread we face, but clinical psychologist Rachel Menzies and death doula Alua Arthur say that facing death can be a joyful exercise. They make a compelling case for why remembering we will die – instead of trying to forget – can help us accept the inevitable.
Schedule your dread – This is how my dread works: I dread something. I try to avoid thinking about it. I fail. Before I know it, I’ve spent an entire day stuck in an endless loop of worry. Mattu shares some tips around this conundrum, including the benefits of carving out “worry time” to keep dread from becoming too overwhelming.
Notice your surroundings – After speaking with More Than a Feeling listeners, it became clear that one of the biggest issues they’re worried about right now is the state of our planet. I spoke with therapist Patty Adams, who helped me understand how connecting to the environment can help us build emotional resilience — so that even if we feel paralyzed by “eco-dread,” as it’s called, we don’t stay there for too long.